As we head into Christmas and the end of the year, I've been reflecting on the challenges God brought us through this last year! I am not sure that my life has ever changed so drastically from January to December like it has this year!

I started off with a wonderful teaching job that I loved and enjoyed.
We were fostering B.
We were expecting our 2nd son.
We had a rambunctious 3 year old!
Shortly after Judah's birth, we were faced with various infections with our newborn. A ruptured ear drum at just 2 weeks old. 2 hospital admissions where I have horrible memories of nurses poking my tiny infant trying to find veins while he screamed his bloody head off in their treatment room. I knew they were helping him, but my heart broke for him. Spinal taps on this tiny one. Drs showing me the fluid and then one time it was so bloody, because he had already had one before, but this was protocol. Test and more tests. Ear tubes surgery. Finally discovering there were NO neutrophils in his body, yet somehow, miraculously, he healed ever so slowly along with the medicines and God's healing hands. Another admission and then we were sent home with a baby that I was worried if he could even be outside while a neighbor cut their grass.

Yet we experience God's abundant grace and provision through other believers, family, and friends. Meals would just show up at the hospital. People were taking care of our children, home, and even our foster child, because we were too stressed to know what to do with her. The doctors and nurses were amazing as they helped us through the stressful unknowns.

Then, the call from an oncologist, also known as the blood doctors or hematologists, who wanted to do a bone marrow biopsy on my 6 week old baby. It was feeling like too much. Then, he asked if he could pray over us, and God's peace welled up in my soul. This little one was his and I had to trust him. He was precious in his sight!

I didn't know how I would react when I found out that Judah did in fact have a rare blood disorder called Severe Congenital Neutropenia. But, I was thankful. Thankful, of all things! I didn't yell at God or get upset or cry in the bathroom, like I thought I would! The Holy Spirit filled me with a thankfulness that we knew what was wrong and thankful that while no cure existed, we could manage it with daily Neupogen shots. I was thankful for the drs calling us in 2 weeks early for a bone marrow biopsy, now a yearly needed test. Thankful, when the Dr gave me a hug and said, "Welcome to the family. Although, no one wants to be a part of this family. We are glad to have you!"

I never thought I would be this mom. In a way, I never really thought too long about all the children fighting cancer. Now, I see them every couple of weeks when I go to the cancer clinic with Judah. I see those little Brave warriors and their bald heads fighting for their lives. I've gotten to know them just a little. Brave Zoe, Madelyn, Sarah, and Gabriel. The ones I see, but don't know there, too. I sit on the sidelines of this world and pray in a way that is new to me. I see God healing and giving and also choosing when he takes away. Heart shattering. These precious lives.

So. It's true. I've heard the words "bone marrow transplant" and "Leukemia" more times than anyone ever should. And then we've heard amazing news, such as the Neutropenic specialist feel like Judah's disorder has a low risk to developing that bad L word, and they feel like we don't need to worry about having a preventative bone marrow transplant!!! And we humbly praise God and count our blessings that another day is lived with these amazing children of ours!

And now suddenly, it's Christmas! And I look back at this year and the trials that we went through, and continue to praise God for all that he has done for us this year and how my life has changed for the better in many many ways!

I now stay at home full-time and care for my two precious sons.
B is happily fostered by Hart's cousins.
I am very thankful to NOT be pregnant anymore.
And we have a rambunctious 4 year old AND an amazing 9 month old!
We are about to celebrate 6 years of marriage together!

And truly life together is different than what we started out with this year, and yet still beautiful.

 We are very blessed, indeed! Thank you Jesus!

Traylor Family Update

As Fall has most definitely come to a close, and Christmas is coming at full speed ahead, I'm reminded by God to "be still and know that He is God!" Truth be known, I am loving this crazy season of little kids, pregnancy, and fostering. Each challenging day, I try to take in all of the sweet moments. I've been reminded to "come and play" when Cai asks, to say no quite a lot, so I have less on my plate, and focus on what really matters each day. It's a challenge each and every day, but one worth fighting for! 

Two days ago, I pulled hot, perfectly rounded golden cupcakes from the oven. Cai gasped when he saw them! He said, "Oh, mommy! You are the BEST baker! Look at those cupcakes! Good job, Mommy!" As I placed them on the oven top, I realized how special it can be to bake together, and what a sweet little encourager Cai is. I didn't have the heart to tell him, they were just boxed cupcakes mixed up from Aldi. To him, they were the best thing in the whole world and I was the best mommy in the whole world.

I truly savored that moment of seeing freshly baked cupcakes from a child's eyes, because I know our sweet son won't always think Hart and I are the coolest parents in the world (with mad cupcake baking skillz)! It's these moments that re-affirm why we've worked it out that I can stay home most of the time with the children! I really love it (most days!) ha!

Sweet B is 1 year old today! We've had her for 4 months now! We celebrated her 1st birthday "bumble B" style, because she is one "busy B"!

My heart couldn't stand all the joy, nor her cuteness factor in polka dots and a yellow tutu! Jeez louise, if I had ever dreamed of having my daughter's 1st birthday party, I seriously could not have picked anything better!

"B turned this kitchen stool into a walker. haha!"

B challenges me daily. She's sweet and spunky (already taking up to 6 steps at a time!), has way too much baggage for a baby her size, but at the same time thrives and strives through it all with a perseverance and determination I admire! Fostering/all that entails drives me crazy! But, just when I feel at a low in it, God encourages my heart to keep going. I know this little girl is part of us. God is working out a larger greater story. I praise him for that! I can't mention details about her case online, but I can say I had some encouragement that (maybe... key word... maybe) we could end up with this little girl eventually. Anything can happen at this point in her life and story, and I don't want to assume we will be her forever family, but how wonderful would that be if God gave us her forever? While I struggle on our fussiest days, on days that never seem to end, on days when my heart sort of wishes I didn't have, yet 1 more fussy child to take care of, I know that God is weaving her into my heart in a beautiful way. How that will end, I can't say, but I do know that God is the master weaver, and by His hands he is making one beautiful tapestry of our lives.

Yesterday a follower of mine on Instagram, left me this, beautiful comment:

But, "if I did not love each baby/child, from the minute I touch him/her, as if they are my own, with total abandon, with my whole heart and soul, God would not have called me into this ministry. These children don't need another mother who is detached; they have already experienced loss. They need a mother who will throw open her heart, throw open her arms, and embrace them with a love that changes everyone and everything it touches." (The Middle Mom)



Praying today that I can and will throw open my heart to Love the Lord my God this way, so then I can be poured out again and again to those around me!