Digging in

I have to be honest here. I am truer in my blog than to your face, unless you really know me. You find out things about me here that I wouldn't share in our basic face to face encounters. But, even here, I have been shallow. I haven't been deep. I haven't been completely true.

I have to admit. I haven't dug in much this past year. Sure, I've been christian-like. It's who I am now, but to be honest, I haven't dug in, let the Word seep into my soul sweet. I've been busy. Too busy. I've told God later, not now, just wait until I check my email, never to return.

I've been reflecting on this fact. It's the end of a year where I think back, look ahead at the symbolic fresh start and long to dig in more.

Last night, I finally gave in. Why do I stay at arms length from my Lord?

Over many different situations God has brought to me a psalm. So many times, in fact, that I knew it wasn't just a coincidence any longer. It was a message for me to absorb. It was time I sat down and let it soak in. It was time I dug in.

This is what I journaled last night.

God, 
 I'm starting to get it. 103. Psalm 103. You want me to know it. You keep bringing it to me. My ribbon in my Bible is always there so that I can learn what it means to "Bless the Lord, O my sould, and all that is within me, bless his holy name!"

I want to bless you and forget not all your benefiits, the things of old that remind me of the truth. This freedom in Christ I cannot always understand. This forgiveness of my iniquity, ALL my iniquity. 

I ask how you do so and you answer. You heal. 

All the diseases that rot me away to the core. This greed. This covetous heart. This selfish, unsatisfied soul, that is wasting away, sinking lower than ever into that pit. 

You redeem though and I come out. But wait, there is more. There is light outside of this pit. There is a crown that you anoint my head with. It is steadfast love and mercy that sinks into my bones and satiates me with good, so that I fly and run without getting tired. I am an eagle in the sky. I move to the rhythms of your grace. 

You work righteousness on my behalf. I remember Moses and his acts and that you are merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love. 

I need to remember that you are not always angry. You don't deal with these wretched sins I make the way I deserve. No, you separate them and take them. My eye cannot see how far you take them, but I do long to know your steadfast love that I am promised to know if I honor you. 

I spread out my hands and my sins are removed from east to west. You take that sin away from me. 

Your compassion fills that sin spot. You know we are dust. Can I remember that, too?

This life is like  grass and gone like the breath you sustain in us. Your love, O God, is steadfast, never failing!

It rests upon me. I honor you with all of me. I dance this life with this love overflowing to my children and their children. We dance looking to your throne established on high. 

Bless the LORD, we sing. 
Bless the LORD.
Bless the LORD.
Bless the LORD, O my soul! 

My spoken Word version of Psalm 103.