A Heart full of praise...

Today was one of those Sundays where you know that you are being filled up by the Holy Spirit.

The more pregnant I have become, the weirder my sleeping schedule has seemed. For the last week or so, I have woken up consistently at about 5 am to use the bathroom. Then, I lay in bed and become WIDE awake, trying to push myself to go back to sleep. I love sleep. I'm not an early riser, but this morning, I could sense the Holy Spirit telling me to get up and go read my Bible. I actually listened. I closed my eyes in our comfy recliner and prayed for God to show me where to go. Hebrews 12, the place we would be this morning in church.

I haven't wanted to be all that honest on my blog. I've been keeping myself pretty busy with doing stuff to prepare for baby, and getting our home ready for that. Those things I have wanted to share, but spiritually, I have been avoiding talking about my heart, because I haven't really liked what was going on there for some time.

Making the decision to stay home with our baby has been really hard. I felt like it was supposed to be easy. It was something that I knew I would do all along. Something that after Hart and I talked about it, I agreed with. However, it has not been easy.

I found myself worrying, growing more anxious, thinking that I was dealing with it by giving things over to God. However, as our last month of two incomes appears right in the horizon, I folded.

This last week, I realized that I haven't dealt with my anxiety or the issue that I have NOT been trusting God. I couldn't avoid it anymore. The time is here and God has been telling me to trust him for awhile, and I haven't. Somehow, I have found that I can put trust in myself. I have been longing to know what it means to live with your hands wide open for Christ, but I have continued to cling to my worthless idols.

By blessing us with this baby, I know that God is teaching me what it means to live with my hands open for Him.

The Scripture that the Lord led me to this morning and then again in church was Hebrews 12:1-6.

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted." verses 1-3

I have been wearied in worrying and fainthearted in sin, as I doubt God's future provision for us. I have felt that it was up to me to provide that somehow.

Knowing that we are not alone, but that we are surrounded by those that have lived, past, present and future for Jesus Christ, is so encouraging. We are to LAY ASIDE every weight.... all the things that get in the way of our quest for glorifying God through Jesus.

I felt the weights shedding themselves this morning in my time with the Lord in His Word. I felt the weights being picked up as I sang in worship this morning... Give us pure hearts, give us clean hands... Take my life and let it be holy, consecrated Lord to thee....

And sin, which clings so closely. Oh, it's been so close. It's been in my thoughts, my worries, everywhere. Brad Bird gave the illustration of two people running. One running carrying all this crappy junk with bulky clothes, and the other in their Underarmor, nothing but freedom in their steps.

We cannot run the race that Christ wants us to run with all that junk weighing us down. Sin has a way to tangle our feet, so that we cannot run for God's glory. We need to shed sin for the purpose of running. I love that he said that this requires a lot of CONFESSION! When we allow sin to cling to our lives, it is quite easy for Satan and our flesh to keep us from running.

"Do not let sin reign in your mortal body, to make you obey its passions." Romans 6:12

I have to ask myself, "Am I going to keep building on the sand? Or am I going to lay everything down before the feet of Christ. " I'm tired of holding it. Jesus came, so that, I don't have to carry the weight of sin on my shoulders. So, why do I fight him for it?

It was also said that the flesh wants what it wants. Satan wants you to exist for self. The desires for sin will never go away. We will always be at war with those, but those desires are deceitful.

I'm gonna run (big and pregnant...haha) after Christ and what he says in his word. Not my desires, but his holy and pure desires. Won't you join me?

If you want to listen to the sermon that I am referring to, click here.