I will always look for her!


I scan the crowds. Every little black girl I see, I stare just a little longer until her head turns and I realize yet again that beaded head is not hers. Brea left a mark on our hearts forever. Cai still talks about her as his sister and I have to say, "Well, we don't know where she is anymore. We know she is loved and safe and happy and with her sister. We may never see her again, but we can trust God is good!" And I watch as his eyes take that all in.

My heart wishes that her current foster and adoptive family would contact us. We gave them a sweet book of all of her baby pictures and our information to do so, but their choice is to not contact us, which is sad, but the way it is in fostering and they have to do what they think is best for her! We did have to let her go and this system is so so broken. We were receiving updates via my social worker,  but she has now left Richland DSS like so many other workers.

We will always love this sweet girl and while we have closed our home officially now to fostering, this child will always leave her footprint in our hearts.

So now as I think of her and I do quite often, I just cover her in prayer and know that my place far removed is to be her prayer warrior and to love her still knowing that God is protecting her and moving her on. It's been 7 months since I held her that last time in my arms and breathed in her scent and laid her down in a home other than my own. It hurt to see all her things piled in a pile so high I am sure it made DSS wonder, but circumstances with Judah and the direction of the Lord made us know that it was time.

So for all of those that wonder and say, "Oh I can never foster. I could never lose them." The truth is, you can. Yes, it's hard and you will cry, but it is better to love them, love deep, and carry them in your hearts forever, than to not do it all.

We may not be in a season of fostering anymore, but each child touches your heart in a way that is truly beautiful. It was one of the hardest things we have ever done as a family.

I pray you will read this one day and you will find us, so I can do what I have always wanted to do and hug you just one. more. time. We love you and always will.

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