Church Lovin' Me

I do not like being alone. Everyone needs down time and I'm not saying that I don't need this as a person, because I do and I enjoy those times. However, if I had the choice, I would choose to be with people almost always.

I think one of the hardest parts of bed rest has been having to be alone. I honestly have had a visitor/visitors come visit me everyday while on bed rest, and sometimes it has been a little non-stop at moments, but there are still large periods of time where I am by myself.

Today was my third Sunday without being able to go to church. I had felt so awful the Sunday before the doctor placed me on bed rest that I didn't go to church, which really shows that I was feeling bad because I LOVE MY CHURCH!

What is hard for me is that Hart gets to go to church, leaving me at home. Hart is on the worship team and right now our church is growing so much, but they don't have a lot of musicians. Our church is also about to go to two services next week, which puts even more pressure on our current musicians. I'm glad that he gets to go help out, but it still doesn't make it very easy that for another day of the week, he goes out the door and I am stuck at home, alone. He does hurry home as fast as he can, which I am very thankful for. I know he would actually rather be with me, but I'm glad that he is doing what he can now for our church.

Last Sunday, I sang some songs to myself for church, and then I listened to a sermon from Crossroads, the one that I missed when at home the week before. Today, I decided to watch the live service of my brother's church, Newspring, because I have never gone to it before, and it was kinda neat that they had it live casted. I did enjoy parts of it. However, right at the end of watching that, Hart called to check on me. I could hear all the people in the background and suddenly, I was immediately discontent with my situation. I wanted to be there. I kinda got teary eyed and sad after we got off the phone.

I glanced at my Bible that was open from the service I watched, but decided that I was too upset and that I just needed to feel normal, so I went and got ready for the day. Then, I went outside with my Bible and my Crazy Love book by Francis Chan, and I sat on my pretty screened in porch. I just started praying and pouring out my heart before the Lord. After some examining, I realized that most of the time, I want to go to church because of my friends; because I like being with people. That's not wrong, but what about my reasons for wanting to go to church actually being that I want more of Jesus.

So, I know that God is growing me right now. That he wants me to focus on Him ALONE. That I am never really alone. I have him with me always, whether I feel that or not. He promises not to leave me nor forsake me. He loves me. Maybe you struggle with loneliness. Jesus is there for you. And I'm really thankful for that promise!