Week Three of teaching down...two to go! Until this past Wednesday, I have really struggled with knowing that I am leaving my job. I know God's plan is best, but for the first time in my life, I feel like God really is directing my steps, and I am truly having to follow HIM! While that may seem pretty basic, I have realized that while God has been directing my steps all my life, I have been trying to complicate his most recent plan with my own selfishness. I have felt like Jonah when God told him to go to Ninevah and all we really know is that Jonah did NOT want to go preach there and so he went the opposite direction to Tarshish. It didn't really work out well going that way for him, but he still went and it was going in the opposite direction that we see him recognize his need for Christ as he is sinking down into the depths of the ocean. Wednesday is when I hit my "wall" so to speak. I just looked at the next 3 weeks and was like...I cannot do this! More like I do not want to do this anymore! The discontentment that I have had in my heart isn't really about my job, it's about my heart and my life. It's the realization that God is taking this from me and he is taking me somewhere that I really would rather NOT go!

I love my job. I love my kids. I love my husband. I love my baby. But my selfish passionate desires to please myself have been warring within me! I want to do what I want to do when I want to do it! To be frank, this has been quite a stumbling block the past two days. I have acted like a baby when I haven't gotten my way. For the first time, in a while, I have gotten really angry. I have sinned in my anger towards people around me, especially with my husband, the one I can be most honest with. So Friday, was the head of it all. It started with Wednesday (lots of tiny little issues adding to others) and I honestly just let myself sink further down into the "depths of darkness" like Jonah. I went to Target/Tarshish yesterday afternoon and just sat in the dressing room after trying on some bathing suits. I felt like an idiot, sitting there on the little red stool, but I knew I couldn't leave that dressing room until my heart was right with the Lord. In the meantime, Baby T was nudging me like, "Mom, don't be mad! Everything's okay!" I knew I had to go home. I knew I had to face my loving husband and apologize. After much confessing, small steps of restoration took place in my heart. I began laying my wants and desires at the feet of the cross. I received a small portion of strength to go home. We talked, we worked everything out, and now our marriage is better than before. Hart took me to dinner at Maccaroni Grill (using his fun money to do so!) and then we went and registered for some things for our baby at Babies r Us! We kinda had no clue what to register for, so we ended up with only 28 items, mostly diapers on our registry! Haha. We are going to have to go back with a better idea of what we want to get and finish the job!

Today is Saturday and it is promising to be a busy day! Hart is at the State Fairgrounds being a BBQ judge. I am about to leave to go to a baby shower for a friend, and then I am heading down there to volunteer with the Carolina Children's Home in the Kid's area. Then, we are going to go help some friends move, and unpack things in their new house! At least with all this, I can be thankful that right now my heart is right with the Lord! It's going to be a good day!

1 comment:

  1. I love you. So thankful for your vulnerability! Praying for you sweet friend....and your gift registry! haha! xoxo!


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