The Battle

We are in a battle. Plain and simple.

On one hand there is fear and worry and uncertainty in my flesh and the other side is God, who he is, his power, and what he can do.

I feel great comfort that it's okay in the midst of hard trials and suffering to ebb & flow between these two sides as we walk in the realness of our circumstances, but we have to come back to the place that is true, the hope and promises of God in the scheme of eternity. You have to find yourself digging deep into the Word, because they are LIFE for your soul.

When I am faced with the ugliness of this world and my circumstances seem too great, if I have the eternal perspective that one day there will be no more sin, suffering, pain or death, and that every tear will be wiped away and that He will make all things new (Revelation 21), then I am winning the battle, because I remember that it is God's ultimate victory and that He has already won.

It doesn't erase the pain of now with what you are going through, but it makes us realize that they truly are "light and momentary afflictions that are preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison" (1 Cor. 4:17).

I will say that when the doubt, fear, and worry side is winning, you are the most lost. You can't see how the other side is greater, you can't see how it could win, it clouds your vision and tosses you around on the waves of doubt. "But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways (James 1:6-7).

I am this person. Unstable in all my ways, and I cry out for the Lord to steady me again and again, so that I can boldly pray "the prayer of faith that will save the one who is sick" (James 5:15).

Trials do a lot for us. God uses them to shape us and mold us into who he wants us to be. It often takes being completely stripped down and refined by fire, so that the impurities burn off, and he can literally beat you with a hammer in fire hotter than hell. None of that is fun or easy or enjoyable. But the product at the end, well it glorifies the Maker. It shows off His handiwork. It's something stunning to look at and it reflects back beauty.

"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have it's full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing" (James 1:2).

"Beloved, do not be surprised as the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice, insofar as you share Christ's sufferings, that you may be glad when his glory is revealed. (1 Peter 4:12).

To be honest, I was surprised by this trial this time and it is fiery. I don't know what the Lord is doing here, but it's a battle bigger than me and my child and cancer. Sometimes, God gives me eternal clarity as I lean into his Word and cling to it as my only hope, and sometimes I am being tossed about and my heart feels ripped out of my chest, because the thought of losing my child is utterly barbaric.

I'm encouraged by who God is though. I cannot lose hope.

"The Lord is a man of war; the LORD is his name" (Exodus 15:3). He is fighting this battle. He is my Savior and my warrior.

"Fear not, stand firm, and see the salvation of the Lord, which he will work for your today. For the Egyptians whom you see today, you shall never see again. The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to be silent." Exodus 14: 13