Tangled in Thankfulness


These days I find myself living a life that's tangled with joy and normalcy, and yet I find myself in moments where I am forgetful of where I have been, too caught up in the earthly trivial things going on around me or selfish desires I am frustrated aren't happening. I've learned so much about God and who I am because of the insanely hard moments of having a child with cancer, that while I am so grateful to have the privilege to be caught in the mundane struggle of life, I also don't want to be stuck there without acknowledging my God story that both rebukes and encourages my heart when I stop to remember.

It's a new season for sure. Just looking back over this neglected blog, I found this I had written 1 year and about 10 months ago:

"It's Day +4 and every day has been a little harder than the last. Judah has had extreme nausea. He has been vomiting a couple of times a day. He is also very sensitive to the IV flushes and heparin that the nurses have to use after meds/changing lines, etc. 

One of the sweetest things he has done on his own is asking to hold my hand during what he considers unpleasant times."

I never wrote that for the world to see, but it brings this bittersweet remembrance to my mind of how far God has healed and how far we have come since Judah's leukemias and bone marrow transplant to today. It's not because of anything we have done, but only because of Jesus working in us and through us, and the answer so many prayers over our sweet little boy, and I am so grateful.

It's honestly incredible how much we have gone through since that time and absolutely mind blowing that it could feel as if that was someone else's life.

From the slow healing of new marrow to coming off meds one by one, to countless doctor appointments that slowly got spaced out to just once a quarter this last year, to a blessed and booming real estate business, a growing church plant, to getting to do a bathroom reno in our home, to traveling to Disney for Judah's Make-A-Wish trip, to enjoying summer fun in the pool, lots of artwork hung every which way all over the walls, messes and more messes to clean up... the lavish grace over us is beyond anything I can think or imagine!

These two sons are gifts and it's been fun entering into that stage of no diapers and more self sufficiency. I'm enjoying being their mom so much. While they wear me out beyond belief and ask for things CONSTANTLY, they are growing into these awesome little people that often make me laugh!

We go on Thursday of this week to MUSC for a quarterly visit for labs and a physical with Judah's oncologist and we once again pray and ask for prayer for healthy, normal labs and a continued healthy Judah & family.

This October will be 2 years post transplant. We will go for annual tests and biopsies, and will be praying for the C-FREE results. I walk in victory over what God has done and pray that fear and doubt won't sweep in leading up to these days! Thank you for continuing to pray over our family!

I'm thankful to be less and less hinged around this time when God fought this battle for us, but these doctor visits remind me how out of control our own lives really are. It's not about what I do, although I so often want to think if I clean up my act, then God will be pleased. No, he is already pleased, not because of me or anything I do, but because of Jesus who lived that perfect life for me!

Also, if you could pray, pray for the families who have lost their little ones and are missing them big: Madelynn, Avie, Wyatt, and Aurora. Pray for continued health for Caroline and Victoria. And pray for those fighting right now super hard and are in the thick of it big time: William and Ry.

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