One of THOSE days... REDEEMED!


"In my distress I called upon the LORD; to my God I cried for help. From his temple he heard my voice, and my cry to him reached his ears." Psalm 18:6

I read this verse yesterday morning and I thought... God, are you really hearing my cries? I don't think my cries are being heard. Don't you see how tired I am? I feel alone in all of this and I don't know how to survive anymore.

Let me start with Sunday. During the day it was basically perfect. Cai ate every 3 hours on the dot. It was lovely. It allowed us to go to church for the first time together. However, the wonderful day ended that night. I didn't get a nap in on Sunday and that was just a calamity for our crazy night. Cai wanted to eat every 1.5 - 2 hours AGAIN. This has happened a lot. He is legitimately hungry. All the signs are there. Nawing on his hands, rooting around, and then it takes like almost an hour to feed him. After several hours of this with no sleep, I'm NO good.

Well, I was so emotionally exhausted by the next morning. I didn't know that it was really just the beginning of more. I called in the grandmas to help, but before they got there, Cai was screaming his head off crying. I tried trouble shooting and thought maybe that he just needed something to calm him, so I decided to try some Gripe water (an herbal remedy for babies.) I guess something was wrong with my medical syringe that you give baby medicine with. The suction seal broke as I was trying to ease it into his mouth and it shot down his throat into his LUNGS. That's when I thought my baby was dying. I freaked out as he started gasping for air. I began beating on his back, unsure what to do, finally remembering to use the red bulb to suction out his lungs. I got all kinds of mucus out and he kinda calmed down and while he still sounded raspy breathing, I just started crying. I called Hart's mom and the doctor. My mom showed up with my grandma and I rushed them back into the car because we had to go to the doctor.

We got to the doctor, me wearing the same clothes that I had been in for the last 30 hours. I realized how FAR the hospital seemed and ran through my mind the actual course of planned action if we ever had to rush Micaiah to the hosptial for real. The urgency was low at this point, but he still needed to be looked over.

Finally, we got seen by our pediatrician. Thankfully, Micaiah was fine. He didn't aspirate in his lungs and he sounded really good. I knew it was the Lord answering my cries for help. He did listen. He was good, like his Word says He is.

Some really good things came out of our visit, even though we were there on Friday for Cai's two week appointment. First, we found out that their baby scales were off a WHOLE POUND when we were there a few days before. He actually weighed 8 lbs 11 oz NOT 7 lbs 11 oz. I knew that was off. The doctor weighed him again and we got 8 lbs 14 oz. That tells me that we are doing well breastfeeding. However, due to my exhaustion level, I don't think my body has been able to keep up with our growing little man. I talked to Dr. Castles about the fact that I have a jpouch (no colon) and we discussed some absorption issues that could be affecting my supply, especially in the evenings when he has been wanting to eat through the night like crazy. He said that since our baby is still wanting to eat so frequently STILL, that it means that our baby is just HUNGRY and that, in his words, "He is HUNGRY and that we just need to give that baby some formula!" He loaded us down with several big packs of formula and we headed home.

We got home. I fed him. And then, Hart's mom took over, and I fell into the bed to sleep. She gave him some pumped breastmilk and then, she gave him some formula. He downed both equally well. I also got some rest, tried to rehydrate, pumped, and then I fed him a couple more times. I still was so emotional and tired. Well, that's when I realized I needed my friends to know where I was at and that I needed prayer and encouragement, more than "this too shall pass."

My friend, Carla G., saw my cry for help on FB and she came over at 10 pm to be with Micaiah during the night. This was a HUGE HUGE BLESSING for both Hart and I. I really couldn't believe how much Cai ate during the night. I think he must have eaten at least 16 oz of pumped milk and formula during the late afternoon and night, maybe more. He still woke up more than every 3 hours, but he started sleeping a lot better. Apparently, a lot of friends she knew and herself had similar problems and that they had to supplement for times, as well. Hart got a full night of rest, uninterrupted, and I got two 4 hour stretches, pumping between. It was AMAZING to say the least.

"He brought me out into a broad place; he rescued me, because he delighted in me." Psalm 18:19

Even though these weeks have been hard, the Lord is really showing me how good he is. He did give me rest. He has given me sweet sweet friends. He helped us figure out some problems that we were having, and overall, went above and beyond to meet our needs. I'm so very thankful. Praise Jesus once again.

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